In the spirit of Valentine’s Day and the horrendous dating stories of women around the world, I decided to create a dating and wine pairing. Only this time we’re honoring some of the most memorable guys to go on a date with. I’ve seen it all, Lushies. Luckily I come prepared with relatable
generalizations scenarios, very little advice and of course wine recs.
The Aggressive New Yorker
You probably shouldn’t be dating him in the first place. A few things to note: this guy’s got mad game, he’s interesting and he’s always a good time. Unfortunately he’s not boyfriend material at all. The city has hardened him, and not in a good way. Oh, and he’s probably dating at least 6 women right now. Don’t expect him to let you into his inner emotional state, it’s simply not going to happen. Still, if you’re looking for the FUN he’s got you covered. Did I mention he lives for a good party? Pair all of your dates with him with some Prosecco and a cute cocktail dress. New York is tough, but here’s to being tougher. It’s a celebration Lushies!
The Career Criminal
Maybe you didn’t know he was a career criminal in the beginning. But there were always more than a few red flags. Maybe he always carried cash, maybe he had a fruitful and mysterious source of disposable income. It could also be the Nokia flip phone he used to take terse and mumbled phone calls on – even though he had an iPhone XXIV. But hey, the dates were always top notch, even if he did insist on facing the door everywhere you went.
Some girls like a bad boy but this guy’s actual trouble – which you realized when he
threatened beat up the valet. I’d say pair this date with a glass of Gamay. You need something that’ll keep you alert in case any sh*t goes down, but also calming enough so as not to set off any triggers red flags for Tony Soprano over there. Good luck girl.
The Socially Awkward Nerd
After a string of bad dates you probably thought dating a guy with a high IQ and a lack of social interactions might be just what you needed. Jokes on you because this guy is either too literal, can’t take a joke, or just downright annoying. All of which could’ve been avoided had he just made like two more friends and, well, loosened the fuck up. But he didn’t. Make no mistake, this guy’s not a cool nerd, that’s an urban legend made up of the same bs they used to create Prince Charming.
After an hour-long discussion on the complexities of HTML code at the adult arcade he loves, you’re bound to be
bored to death in need of a pick me up. A glass of Gewürztraminer, a German wine that’s a cousin of Riesling, or actual dry Riesling is a great pairing for this date because it’s unique and interesting, something this guy is not.
The Entitled Douchebag
You guys go out to only the best places, mainly so he can show you off. Don’t flatter yourself though, his desire to flaunt isn’t about you nearly as much as it’s about him. This guy only cares about himself.
He treats waiters, taxi drivers and anyone in the service industry like complete crap. As for you, well he treats you like an ornamental servant at best. In fact, I bet all of his sentences start with “Hey babe, can you be a doll and…”
To be fair I guess we’ve all dated a jerk before, so no judgment on my end. Just pair the date with a bright and crisp white wine like
all trophy wives do a Sauvignon Blanc or a Pinot Grigio.
The Struggling Artist
First things first, I hope you brought your own spending money. You met him at an art exhibit where his work was being featured. His paintings were beautiful, and you told him so over drinks.
As soon as the compliment came, the floodgates of his self absorbed mind opened right up. He talked about his art, his inspiration, the dealer who didn’t believe in him, his disdain for traditional 9 to 5 life, and even his best side when taking pictures.
Artists, while valuable, can be an unhappy bunch. Creative life is ripe with subjective rejection that many artists internalize. What you sometimes end up with is a self absorbed, penniless and deeply insecure person. Pair this date with a glass of red wine because you’re going to need something to relax after he projects all of his insecurities on you. Oh, and make sure it’s off of the happy hour menu.