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Wine : As Explained By The Men In Your Life

Men and wine. Although there are many differences between the two they both make us feel some type of way so I decided to write a blog post about it. So without further ado here it is, wine as the men in your life.

Pinot Grigio

He’s nice. He loves to dress up but also tends to overdo it in an oddly tacky way. He might even have a thing for your suburban Chilli’s. He’s a small town guy in a big city and yes he’s fun to hang out with but, ugh, can he stop with the terrible outfits already? Pinot Grigio is the nice guy who aspires to be sophisticated but somehow misses the mark. Sometimes he can be refreshing, he’s relatively simple, and always acceptable. The only thing wrong with Pinot Grigio is that despite all of that, it’s just a white wine trying to be a…

Sauvignon Blanc

This is foreign bae. He’s sophisticated with a great sense of style, a dreamy accent and maybe even a yacht boat. It’s important to note that he too might be a fraud and the only difference between this guy and Pinot Grigio bae is that he looks way better while pretending to know about the finer things in life. He even nailed the pronunciation of ‘Une crafe’ on the first try. Although he’s easy on the palate you sometimes you can’t shake the feeling that there’s absolutely no depth, or body, behind all of the pomp and circumstance.

Rosé

Your gay bestie. This guy always looks so good, goes well with pretty things and loves cute sayings. This guy is so versatile, he’s great for summer time fun but if we’re being honest he’s the perfect companion any time any place.

Pinot Noir

Sigh. This is the guy you should be with but you’re an idiot so you friendzoned him in favor of a Petite Sirah with a gorgeous label and a taste that’s too advanced for your palate. Part of this guy’s problem is he’s too easily accessible. Anytime you need him, and sometimes when you don’t, he’s there. Regardless this man is reliable, fun and gives you the feels. Not to mention you casually see him multiple times a week. Stop waiting around for something better. Wake up and give this man the respect he deserves before it’s too late.

Cabernet Sauvignon

The real deal. This man is sexy, cultured without being a snob, strong without all of the machismo, and a few (read: no more than 10) years older than you. The only major drawback here is because he’s so perfect he’s not always accessible. Bummer because every time you guys get together you wonder why you don’t do it more often.

Merlot

He’s too old for you.

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